Today is that day.

I’m sitting at home in Dumfries, although I’m meant to be sitting in a lecture in Glasgow, because my lift to the station this morning didn’t turn up. I’d usually catch a ride off my dad but he’s off on holiday in another country.

Naturally I was a little displeased about this state of affairs. Anyway, everything else today seems to be annoying the hell out of me, my dog’s being a pain in the ass and things just don’t seem to be going smoothly at all!

For instance my iPod wont connect to my PowerBook through the dock anymore, normally I’d just shrug my shoulders and connect it via the firewire connection which plugs into the dock (which it seems to work perfectly through). However today I’m in a perpetual state of anger, shouting at the dock and threatening to throw it out of the window. Perhaps it’s because of this film I watched last night, The Last Horror Movie, which looked as if it was going to be a decent enough film but turned out to be an utter pile of steaming, freshly lain shit (seriously, never see this movie, not even for the sake of curiosity as to how shit it is). Perhaps it’s because of this itch I have on my back but can’t quite reach.

The thing that seems to be pissing me off the most is the fact that I’m pissed off for no real reason at all.

If you don’t hear from me in a while it’s because I’ve murdered someone, been caught, and have been sent down for 20-to-life!
- Chris

The film is like a 88 minute long episode of Family Guy, 4 times the normal length and just as funny! You really need to see this, even if it’s just for Stuwie’s camp comments throughout.

If you’re a fan of Family Guy then you’ll definitely like this film, if you’re not (yet) a fan, then this film will have you queuing up to buy the boxed sets of the series the very next day. Cheap at around £12, and in my opinion worth double the price, you should definitely see it. Buy a copy, rent a copy, steal a copy, get a copy of your friend who has a copy, kill someone and take their copy, watch it through a neighbourhood window. Just see the damn movie!

Did I mention that I thought the movie was damn ace?
- Chris

Meet the parents was an excellent movie, Meet the Fockers I was hoping would be equally good, and I was not disappointed. The movie followed on nicley from the first, evolving the struggling relationship between Greg (or Gaylord) Focker and his soon-to-be father in law Jack Byrnes.

The plot sees the Byrnes family finally meeting the Focker family in order to arrange the wedding of their son and daughter. There are many laughable name references (X Focker where X is any name you wish) and moments in the film which enduce a chuckle as well as some which had me laughing hard – not to mention Stevie nearly dying of laughter at one point.

A fairly good movie, not a great movie but certainly worth a watch if you enjoyed the first.

You’ve been Fockerised,
- Chris

If you like South Park at all then you’ll love this film also made by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, it pokes fun at America and it’s gun-ho tactics for trying to police the world – especially where they aren’t wanted. I started to watch this film, started laughing, 98 minutes went by, I was still laughing and then the film finished.

A totally awesome film which gives us lines such as:

If you betray us, I’ll rip your fuckin’ balls off and stuff them up your ass. So the next time you shit, you’ll shit all over your balls.

Gary is the kind of man that understands, when you put another man’s cock in your mouth, you make a pact.

I’ll drill two holes in your dick so that when you take a piss, it goes in all different directions!

And of course,

America, fuck yeah!

As I have said: go and see Team America, if you don’t you’re a communist!

9/11 times 2,356 is 2,146,316,
- Chris

• Shaun of the Dead,
• Hidalgo,
• Runaway Jury,
• Webs,
• Scooby Doo 2, and
• Timeline.

Each of these movies has it’s own charms, mostly to do with the comic content, good storyline, lots of people being shot or in one case the extreme cringe worthy performance all round.

Shaun of the Dead

This movie is, well basically it rocks! After seeing this at the cinema I couldn’t wait to see it again. So after it came out on DVD (on Monday past), I decided it was time to rent it… I have just finished watching it again for the second time in 24 hours. Buy it, rent it, watch it through someone’s bedroom window if you have to, but definitely see this movie.

It’s the classic tale of a looser who’s life is all going to hell and he has to get it all back on track. This is hindered mainly by the fact that a whole lot of dead people are coming back to life as zombies. I’m not telling you any more, see this movie.

Hidalgo

A last minute pick up in the video store, I had already chosen to rent Shaun of the Dead and required 2 more choices (the store I was at offers a 3 for 2 rental deal – I wasn’t going to pass that up!). This time round I picked up the afore mentioned Shaun of the Dead, this and Runaway Jury. I had seen trailers for Hidalgo on other DVDs which I have rented recently and told myself that I wouldn’t watch it as it was likely to be a pile of shite.

I sat down to watch the film, and although it had Viggo Mortensen cast as the lead role (and after his recent role in the Lord of the Rings films, coupled with the “all kinds of success” that Orlando Bloom has been having, I was expecting this movie to rate very low in my books). Good god was I wrong, I sat throughout the film watching, open eyed at every scene.

The movie is about a man who is half-white, half-Indian (or native American), he owns an untamed mustang stallion named Hidalgo. Together Frank Hopkins (Viggo Mortensen) and Hidalgo have won many long distance races and have never lost a race which they have entered. A Sheikh, Sheikh Riyadh hears of the title bestowed upon Hopkins and Hidalgo in a travelling show which they work in: “World’s greatest endurance rider”. The Sheikh then challenges Hopkins to compete in the world’s hardest endurance race, a 3,000 mile race across the Ocean of Fire.

Well worth a look, entertaining and gripping.

Runaway Jury

Another last-minute pick up in the video store. I had seen trailers for this movie and it had seemed to be neither good nor bad.
The general premise is that one man, Nicholas Easter (John Cusack) working with his girlfriend, Marlee (Rachel Weisz), gets himself onto a jury in order to sway their votes so that they can sell a verdict to either the prosecution of the defence.

I supposed that this perhaps could be either a fairly good movie or another American run-off crapfest which would dumb down the court systems in order for most of the population to “enjoy” it. Instead this film relied more upon the interactions between the trio of the defence, prosecution and Marlee as well as the way in which Nicholas Easter tries to sway the jury.

I found this film to be very entertaining, also the story contains a few twists which can be expected but are not too obvious. All in all I enjoyed this film and it is well worth a watch if you get the chance.

Webs

Don’t see Webs.

This film is utterly garbage. But if you like some slapstick crapstick acting then it may be for you. Basically a group of electricians find a disused nuclear reactor which starts a portal to another dimension where a scientist 30 years ago travelled to. Whilst doing so he let a race of spider like creatures enter through another portal and start enslaving the human race through biting/poisoning people making them into spider-zombies. All hope is placed on one of the electricians who comes through the portal. Later in the film one of the electricians begins (with the scientists help) to dabble into creating another one of these trans-dimensional machines.

Things get shot, people die, and other people get eaten and changed into zombies. The only plus about this film is that it has some Bruce Campbell style scenes where people are being fucked over, large. Actually this film is worth watching just so that you have a baseline to rate all other films by.

Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

A classic in the making. Scooby Doo, for some unknown reason managed to work its way into my film viewing schedule a few times soon after it was released. I used to love the Scooby Doo cartoons as a kid, and in fact still do. I watched the first film for the nostalgia, I watched the second for the birds. This film not only has in its cast Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne but it also has Linda Cardellini as Velma. Oh my god, what else do you need to know? If you are male and like women, see Scooby Doo or Scooby Doo 2.

Erm, the movie was Ok.

Timeline

I had seen trailers for this movie a while ago in cinemas, that was the last I had ever heard of it… until this week. I was in the video shop and had spotted Webs which I had, stupidly, already picked up. I had also picked up Scooby Doo 2 and needed a filler DVD to rent. Then I saw this, sitting all alone on the bottom shelf. A quick inspection of the case revealed that it was the fateful movie which I had never seen and had wanted to. RENTED.

So after watching Webs, and then throwing up in disgust, I decided to watch Timeline. The plot is thus, a professor of archaeology, the father of another character, had been sent back in time using a machine and was unable to return. A group of other archaeologists accompanied by a few marines go back in order to find him. They are sent back to the past to the location which they have been excavating at a time when a war was taking place, and on the exact day when the war was won.

I started watching this movie and after a few minutes, boom, there’s Billy Connelly. I had no idea that Billy Connelly was in this film, anyway the film went on, I watched, it finished. It was not too bad, not the greatest film in the world but not even in the same league as the best.

I would definitely recommend seeing, Shaun of the Dead, Hidalgo and Runaway Jury.

Isn’t life just one big film, and each of us actors?
- Chris